I have been thinking a lot lately about purpose, more specifically my life’s purpose. It came to me in a meditation the other day that its time to fill the gap in my energy which is my purpose in life. I of course asked what is it? It was then told to me to be patient and it will come if I keep doing the work. The problem is how am I to know what it means to be doing the work? I assume it means keep doing the things I am doing, but what if its not enough? What if I am meant to be doing something more and I don’t know? I feel a bit dazed and lost when it comes to this subject. I’ve spent days recently researching life’s purpose. Watching TED talks, googling it, reading blogs. Still none of it resinates in me deeply enough to affect me.

Why am I asking you? Because maybe you have help for me. Maybe something you will say will help me get a better look at myself and my dreams. I think of dreams and what are dreams and what are mine? I would say being a homemaker and having a wonderful garden doing yoga and cooking. That is a dream of mine. I have no doubt I will have that dream one day, but its not a purpose. Thats just life. I need to do something fulfilling with myself that makes the world a little bit better. I need to help people, and connect and connect others to themselves. Hm maybe I just found. Connecting others to themselves. So how do I do that? I could be a yoga teacher and help connect them to their body. I could become a therapist and connect them to their past and help them let go. I could become a life coach and help them connect to the present. But for some reason none of these things sound right to me, and I wish I knew why. Its almost like I need to create a program from thin air, from my mind to help others. The problem is getting anyone to pay me for it. With no education on the subject besides my own personal school of hard knocks.

How do I spread my love and positivity with the world?

This is my question. Help me please.

Nothing but free time means…

I recently have realized I am bored. to. death. 

I have been thinking about what I should do with my free time, and I decided to start doing yoga, meditating and going on daily walks..for the first few weeks that seemed to do it. I felt great and was actually keeping a schedule and was busy. Now that time has passed and that  routine is firmly in place, I need something more. My job allows me to have weeks off at a time, even months sometimes, so I needed something until work comes back around. So I decided to start volunteering! Why not right? People need people to help them do things. The problem I came up with was where to start? I first went to KCRW’s winter pledge drive and answered phones. That was fabulous because I got to meet some cool new friends and got a free singed vinyl! I was stoked. It felt great to be out and about. Then after that high left, I felt low again. So after searching the web, I found Volunterrmatch.org. I was looking around and there is just so many different options. 

I was talking with a friend about this and she had mentioned the Hospice program and how cool it would be to sit with people who are about to die, and help them in their last moments. I thought to myself, thats an excellent idea! I know I know it seems really morbid and extra hard, but Im not so sure I agree. I have a really great outlook on death. I think its part of the human experience and its very natural, especially when Hospice is involved. These people know they are dying soon, as do I. Why not sit with them for a while and talk with them, or read a book? I also consider myself to be very positive and have the tendency to make people feel better, so why not share it with the dying? They deserve it too. 

I went to Burbank today and talked with a woman and signed myself up! There isn’t anyone right now, but when someone wants someone like me I will get a call! I hope it comes soon, but yet don’t because that means someone is suffering. Its an odd juxtaposition. 

In the meantime I also reached out to a troubled teen home where they are looking for a poetry teacher. Im not sure I would be such a great teacher on that subject, but I know I would excel at listening and helping these girls. I just hope something comes soon, not only to cure my boredom but so that I can start helping people! 

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