Back to the old House

Ripped, tattered, shattered

the house sits upon the hill 

dropped, popped, and locked

the grass dies slowly under foot

stoop, coop and poop

covers the driveway,

who lives here anyway? 

 

 

The dark old home that once had so much love and joy is now covered in death and destruction. Darkness looms over the early century built home on the hill. It sits there staring at everyone, looming quietly over the town. What is it trying to tell us? Is there a purpose to this grey toned home? It leaves a vibration of sadness. The house feels the loss of the family who once lived inside its walls, wondering where they went. It sheltered them through many storms, inside and out. It is now alone. Nobody to protect, care for, cover. That poor house, I hope someone restores it and gives it its energy back. 

 

Sofia

My dog Sofia

likes to chase bunnies around

my house all day long

she thinks they are food

for her tummy to enjoy

sadly they are not

they say to her this

“can’t we all just get along”

but she licks her lips

r-e-l-e-a-s-e-d

the movement of the black round in circles

defies the thoughts that existed in the void

learning and growing into state of the art mind frames

will forever be

there. 

 

2.

breathe deep

heavy thoughts followed by heavy breathes

encounters so finite into the subconscious realm

of understanding the scope of intensity

that will no longer thrive on the plane

of living and sharing under the umbrella of one day. 

 

3.

Unplugged. drained. emptied. 

cleansed. washed. laundered. 

empty. 

 

4. 

chance encounters to help create joy

now available to you forever

no holds bared, no cage, no wonder

grateful for the release. 

 

 

 

Tonight there is a feeling of release, of freedom. Usually this feeling would be welcoming, but in this situation it feels slightly off. Here are some thoughts based on those emotions.

1.

the cool air ascends the clouds

its finally present

you’ve been looking for some time now

an executed cycle has finally come for you.

2.

dont be down said the clown

stare into my cells of my frown

the eyes hold all the mysteries to life

but they also hold some strife

ride the wave of consciousness

it holds much happiness

bottle up and explode, you are free.

3.

shooting upward toward the ceiling

the magical empowerment loses the feeling

words thrown faster than lightening

to face lamentation in the mirror of love, life and death

may be exactly what we all feared.

4.

glances across a room

smiles granted for comfort

released into the universe

to boomerang back into your soul

in a sea of booze, smoke and mirrors.

5.

To run away would be too easy

you are free

free as a bird that flys high

high enough to soar into the sea of golden light

swim upward to the entrance

that is where you will find what you are looking for

dance with the others

solid, green, empty, over flowing, populated, desolate

its up to you.

Magic Oblivion

Lack of sleep brought these poems to me. I hope you enjoy them.

1.

Split open like a coconut ripped from a tree

oozing liquid that was thought to no longer exist

pooling onto the floor left for dead.

Answers the universe refuse to give.

Space time continuum

falling back into place.

Left on the side of the road alone and frightened

you’ve been here before, but its not the same

2.

Lost in a sea of lies, thighs and spies

we synthesize the track of bliss

to end no longer with a kiss

years you may have to miss

will no longer exist

3.

The sweet scent of woman, man and sea

coalesced under the birds screaming from above

danger awaits, but is lovingly placed on the shelf

locked up for no one but essence of infactuation

4.

Collide on the skin with every note

Abend the twists and breaks

Experience mystical moxie exchanged on a whim

to be taken to an assent by a lover

who rewards with acumen so earnestly

ramble on

The moon shines brightly into my bedroom

its midnight and i just returned home from an evening of artistic treasures. 

Charles Bukowski is my inspiration for these words, as he taught me any thought pure and innocent can and should be written. 

in the reflection of my window I see my paintings.

As they stare at me i am reminded of how i have let that side of me go

I should get back to expressing myself in the painting medium. 

the trees are sillotued by the city lights and the near full moon

the crazes will come out soon enough, as they do every two weeks 

when the moon reaches its brightest. 

the currents are pulled deep as well as our emotions. 

my only wish for this evening is to fall asleep, being as the americana did not sit well. 

Life is Fleeting..

Yesterday I saw a butterfly and was reminded of a sentence someone once said “butterflies are there to remind you that life is fleeting” The idea that the butterfly goes through so many transformations from caterpillar to cocoon then is only alive for a short amount of time is mind blowing. It also reminds me of our lives as humans. We go through so many changes and a good amount of different transformations, that we are like the butterflies. The difference is that we don’t always die right away and they do. But we could. Life is precious and short and its time to remember that fact and remember how lucky we are. I know I know this isn’t a new concept by any means, but it has really been sitting with me lately. 

I go through phases of ups and downs and realizations and reminders, then life happens and I easily forget how far up I’ve been in happiness, and get swallowed by stress and daily activities. I forget to take the time to meditate and be with myself and sort things out. I spiral down a zone until one day I wake up and remember and everything feels great again. Right now I am in a phase of re-finding my balance and its hard this time to find my way back. This upsets me so much. My mind knows all of these things, but my body isn’t following along. My mind feels clear and happy, but everything else doesn’t.

Why am I writing this for the world to read? Why am I sharing my problems on my blog? Well to remind myself and you too that things will be okay again. That we need to just take the time to do our things that make us happy day by day and soon enough we will be whole again. Life is filled with ebbs and flows and shit happens, but we always can go back to our happy place. 

Next time you see a butterfly, let them remind you of this too. Life is easy as long as you know how to ride the waves…

Image

Same as it ever was..

I was scanning the internet and saw some shows that are coming up in the Los Angeles area and I got excited about a few bands that are playing reunion shows, etc. This thought is exciting, yet disappointing. I want to be excited to go see bands I haven’t seen since I was in my younger days, but I can’t. This idea seems very silly to me, and I am sure to you as well. Why on earth wouldnt I want to hear music live again from bands I love? Its because its not the same. Nothing is the same as it was 10 years ago, or even 2 days ago. We are ever evolving and our tastes are a large part of that. If I go see a band that I spent a large majority of my 20s going to see, now in my 30s will it be the same? Of course not. It might even be sad to see them older trying to play with the same energy as they had 10 years ago. Trying to keep up with the influx of new listeners eager to hear their words sang live. Even worse I start to think about who will be in attendance. It will surely be a mix of people like me, and younger versions of me and my friends.  Its the evolution of growing up. We get older and think we are still young, until we see the younger versions of ourselves running around town. 

I was flipping through some random music blog and saw pictures from a DJ night, and I swore I knew those people. Hey I know you! You are the same girl I used to see go to the bathroom every 5 minutes to do coke, then come out and dance your ass off! Hey you! The hipster who’s too cool and stands around and has everyone come to you! Or you, yeah you, the dude with the huge beard and tight shirt and even tighter jeans discussing the government and ecological improvements.  Let me just say none of this is a diss, nor is it bad, it just is, and its weird.

Is this just so crazy to me because of where I came from? The society I grew up in? Does technology and having access to the internet and keeping up with people and groups keep everyone being the same? For example older generations blogging and putting up pictures of themselves and their friends, then the younger generation sees those things and becomes that. Its a cycle for sure, and I am sure its happened for hundreds of years in some way, but I feel my generation is different. I feel with all access it keeps us all the same, which in turn is what my generation is trying to avoid. We all want to be individuals and unique, but some how all end up looking and being the same. 

“Time saves no time for no one”-Melissa Culbertson 2012

Raw Emotion…

It’s 12:30 on a Friday. The first day of June is here. I decided to go to the Grove and do a little shopping, come home pay rent and eat some food from my full fridge. I got haggled into buying 60 dollars worth of a dead sea nail kits and have been kinda bummed ever since. I decided to do some research online and it turns out I got extremely ripped off. Warning do NOT buy Seacret nail care collection.

Moving on; so I was sitting here reading Facebook and came across a link to “40 of the most powerful photographs ever taken” I clicked the link and BAM! Got hit in the face with emotion I can not control. These pictures show everything from love, war, protest, bravery, honesty, and most of all raw emotion. 

As I was clicking through these pictures I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be living in a wonderful house in Los Angeles and I get to eat organic, local foods and never ever have had to deal with a disaster. I am so very lucky. People have had to go through some unimaginable things in their lives, and I am worried about spending 60 dollars on nail care. Talk about first world problems. 

I wanted to write this blog to share this gratitude with you and hope to pass it along. We take our everyday lives and people in them for granted, and we shouldn’t. We are blessed everyday to have homes, food, clothes, cars, and even things we never think of like electricity, CLEAN running water. 

Please take a minute or two to reflect on how good you got it. Give thanks to the universe for providing you with everything you need. Check out these pictures if my words alone don’t inspire you. 

Pictures

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