Back in action..

I know I have fallen off the blog-o-sphere but I decided to come back to this lovely place. Its a new year and new things are abound!

I have decided to make this blog into a bit more of what I have always wanted it to be; an advice column.

I currently host a segment on a radio station in northern california called “Issues”. What happens is each Thursday around 10am my friend John Matthews and I discuss a topic we choose and then take listeners emails or calls and discuss these topics.

Ive always had the idea to make a website to do this too. A place where people can come and post questions or even topics for everyone to discuss and speak openly. So this site is now it! Please feel free to email me at issues@kslg.com and I will post them on here, answer them and keep it open for discussion!

If you would like to hear Issues, here is a link to download the podcast!

http://lostcoastoutpost.com/podcasts/issues-with-melissa/

“5 reasons why a woman will give her number but never answers or returns his phone calls”

I was searching craigslist for a fun part time job and I came across an ad asking for advice column writers. I quickly wrote them an email and got a response pretty quickly asking for me to write an 800+ word column on the topic, 5 reasons why a woman will giver her number out but never answers or returns the call. I sat down, thought about it, wrote it out and sent it in. Afterward I get an email asking me to go to Altadena for a taping to be an audience member, and possibly be hired as a freelance writer. I decided it was a scam and a waste of time, but I still have this information that is mine, so I figured I would share with my blog..So here it is…

 

I was once told by an ex that “women are complicated creatures”. At the time I disregarded this as banter during an argument, but in retrospect, he was right. We are quite complicated. We think about every little detail, are very emotional. Overall, we want things to go perfectly, and that’s where it starts to go downhill for us women. As children we dream of the perfect job, wedding, and family. We spend our lives searching for perfection at every corner, especially when it comes to men. We all have our “dream” relationship in our minds, whether or not we get that is another question. So we spend our time looking for the perfect mate. In the process of finding this mate we have to go through the process of dating. Which is the most complicated process of them all. Men always ask woman for their phone numbers, and most of the time they get them. Now this doesn’t always mean the lady is going to answer the phone or even return your call. Here are five reasons women give out their phone numbers but never answers or returns the phone call.

 

The idea of perfection is just one of many reason why women give out their numbers, or lead men on.  The hunt is a serious game. There is the idea that maybe this one will be the one, finally! So when a single women is out and about and a man approaches her and asks for her number for a split second that idea pops into her head. What if this is the one? Then reality kicks in and the overthinking woman realizes she was being idealistic and there is no way she would date a guy who couldn’t even put an outfit together. Then the guy calls her and she ignores it and hopes he will get the hint and leave her alone. She quickly will go onto the next guy hoping the same thing. This cycle will continue until she is old and alone and realized she never gave anyone a chance due to her need for perfection.

 

Another scenario of why a women doesn’t answer, or return phone calls is because she may have been too drunk when she easily handed her telephone number to a complete stranger. Upon wakening realizes “what did I do last night?” Then her phone rings with an unknown number, she lets it go to voicemail only to hear some dude saying it was nice to meet you, id love to get together sometime. She wonders who is this dude? Then starts to find pieces of memories trickle back into her consciousness and boom! Oh that guy! I don’t even remember what he looks like. Yikes, what did I say to him? Hopefully he gets the hint when I don’t call him back. Delete!  You see the thing is, women like to party and let loose on the weekends too. We like to get together with our girlfriends, get dressed up and paint the town the red. This also means having a few apple martinis or whiskey sours, which both ultimately lead to getting really wasted. She may have blacked out and is embarrassed to talk to you unknowing what really happened last night.

 

Then there is the good old fashioned girl who cant say no to anyone, let alone a guy who approaches her and asks for her number. Throughout history women have been raised to be polite and please everyone no matter the cost. This cost sometimes is a guy who went out of his way to talk to and or impress a woman who is too nice. She will giggle at your jokes, listen to your story about how you decided to change your job and now are unemployed, and of course accept your free drinks. She will do this all while knowing she isn’t interested but just doesn’t know how to tell you. She will continue with this farce maybe once or twice, but ultimately is hoping you will get the hint when she doesn’t return your phone calls.

 

There is also the grass is greener scenario. You may meet a woman and you two hit it off nicely. Everything is going smooth as silk and you feel on top of the world. Then a few days go by and no return call, then you start to wonder why. Well you see later that day she met another guy who made her feel like butterflies were inside and just like that you are gone from her mind. She no longer remembers that joke you told that made her cry, or that flower you picked as you were walking together. This new dude has taken over those parts. She is now obsessed with the latest dude who found her at the laundry mat after your encounter. She then gets your phone call and remembers you even exist, and decides its better to just let it go and not return your call.

 

Last but not least is research. Women are very detail oriented and become the best detectives and lawyers ever when it comes to relationships. You two may have had an awesome conversation and both felt filled with joy to have met this person. But then she goes home and researches you. Google and Facebook are your worst enemies at this point. She searches your name, your job, your page, and your pictures then she judges you. Who are you friends with? Do you drink too much? Do you post bad jokes that are offensive to women? These are all things a woman is spending her time doing. She is figuring out if you are really the guy she just met or not. If it turns out your not the guy she thought, she won’t return your call. She will judge you, and possibly misjudge you, but nonetheless you are not getting a return call.

 

So gentlemen don’t always blame yourself for why women don’t return your calls. She may have met someone else, she may not be strong enough to tell the truth, she may have been drunk and doesn’t remember what you look like. All you can do is try. Be yourself and not too overbearing and the right woman will return your call one day. When that day comes it will be the right time and the right girl.  Good luck out there!

Back to the old House

Ripped, tattered, shattered

the house sits upon the hill 

dropped, popped, and locked

the grass dies slowly under foot

stoop, coop and poop

covers the driveway,

who lives here anyway? 

 

 

The dark old home that once had so much love and joy is now covered in death and destruction. Darkness looms over the early century built home on the hill. It sits there staring at everyone, looming quietly over the town. What is it trying to tell us? Is there a purpose to this grey toned home? It leaves a vibration of sadness. The house feels the loss of the family who once lived inside its walls, wondering where they went. It sheltered them through many storms, inside and out. It is now alone. Nobody to protect, care for, cover. That poor house, I hope someone restores it and gives it its energy back. 

 

Just a little patience…

I have been awoken lately to a concept most of us probably never even think about. Patience.

Normally I would say that I am a patient person, who listens and tries to understand situations. I would say that I am calm and know how to act under pressure, or stress. But the truth is, I am not. I am very impatient. I get annoyed driving, having to listen to other peoples music, having to do  anything that I don’t want to do really. Waiting in lines, being on hold, waiting for 10 to watch True Blood. I mean I am the most impatient person I know. I was lucky enough to have my friend Nate help me see this from a totally different view. One day while working he challenged me to not switch the music all day long. I laughed at this theory and though he was just being a dick. He and I chatted back and fourth about this and the next day at work I decided to give it a try. I went most of the day not even noticing the music. I was content just doing my work and not concerning myself with the music. The shitty part is that I happened to be walking by the iPod and heard the music and just pushed next. Automatically I was defeated. Nate just looked at me with that “I told you so” type of look. This ultimately bothered me to a level I can’t explain. The days that followed that incident at work I kept thinking about it. I couldn’t grasp what had really happened. On the surface it was silly, just a little bet, but it was way deeper. This was a part of me that I had been ignoring.

I had always thought that you were supposed to always be happy. You were meant to compromise together when in a relationship, or friendship or even with your family. But ultimately everyone wants everyone to be happy, and we are in control of our own happiness, right? So why not do everything we can to be happy. Express our thoughts, feelings and emotions until we feel happy. I thought to myself yes, I get it. I didn’t get it yet, I was getting closer but still wasn’t deep enough. It didn’t actually hit me until I was at a Phish concert last week. I was stuck in the middle of 30,000 people and had to be patient through many many things. People pushing, the overwhelming heat, cigarette smoke blowing at me and I did. I got through it. I breathed deep and found my center. I got through it.

More recently in meditation I have been feeling itches, or aches and have made myself get through. Take some deep breathes and it will pass, and it does. This is true to every aspect of life, and I finally get it. Patience is a virtue couldn’t be more of a true statement. I feel so lucky to finally see the light, and now I can start changing myself and my behavior. I feel like in some way this is getting me ready for motherhood. I need patience with a child, and a husband. I need to be able to sit through things I may not want to, conversations that are hard. Feeling and anguish that come with being an adult, feelings Ive kept myself away from. I have always questioned what it means to be an adult. Is it age? Is it status? Is it when you buy a house, or a have a kid? No its when you gain patience and slow down to deal with life and all of its situations with a clear mind. When you don’t over react, or even react at all. Its when you are present enough to be in a situation as the best you, you can be.

I am so happy to be finding Melissa more and more everyday. I can’t wait to see what else I’ve been hiding behind.

Sofia

My dog Sofia

likes to chase bunnies around

my house all day long

she thinks they are food

for her tummy to enjoy

sadly they are not

they say to her this

“can’t we all just get along”

but she licks her lips

Hai-clue

Too much money makes
Not enough purpose in life
To see the small things

Over consumption leads
to poisoning the light in
Everyone but you

When all you have to do
Is open your eyes to see
It was there forever

r-e-l-e-a-s-e-d

the movement of the black round in circles

defies the thoughts that existed in the void

learning and growing into state of the art mind frames

will forever be

there. 

 

2.

breathe deep

heavy thoughts followed by heavy breathes

encounters so finite into the subconscious realm

of understanding the scope of intensity

that will no longer thrive on the plane

of living and sharing under the umbrella of one day. 

 

3.

Unplugged. drained. emptied. 

cleansed. washed. laundered. 

empty. 

 

4. 

chance encounters to help create joy

now available to you forever

no holds bared, no cage, no wonder

grateful for the release. 

 

 

 

Tonight there is a feeling of release, of freedom. Usually this feeling would be welcoming, but in this situation it feels slightly off. Here are some thoughts based on those emotions.

1.

the cool air ascends the clouds

its finally present

you’ve been looking for some time now

an executed cycle has finally come for you.

2.

dont be down said the clown

stare into my cells of my frown

the eyes hold all the mysteries to life

but they also hold some strife

ride the wave of consciousness

it holds much happiness

bottle up and explode, you are free.

3.

shooting upward toward the ceiling

the magical empowerment loses the feeling

words thrown faster than lightening

to face lamentation in the mirror of love, life and death

may be exactly what we all feared.

4.

glances across a room

smiles granted for comfort

released into the universe

to boomerang back into your soul

in a sea of booze, smoke and mirrors.

5.

To run away would be too easy

you are free

free as a bird that flys high

high enough to soar into the sea of golden light

swim upward to the entrance

that is where you will find what you are looking for

dance with the others

solid, green, empty, over flowing, populated, desolate

its up to you.

Magic Oblivion

Lack of sleep brought these poems to me. I hope you enjoy them.

1.

Split open like a coconut ripped from a tree

oozing liquid that was thought to no longer exist

pooling onto the floor left for dead.

Answers the universe refuse to give.

Space time continuum

falling back into place.

Left on the side of the road alone and frightened

you’ve been here before, but its not the same

2.

Lost in a sea of lies, thighs and spies

we synthesize the track of bliss

to end no longer with a kiss

years you may have to miss

will no longer exist

3.

The sweet scent of woman, man and sea

coalesced under the birds screaming from above

danger awaits, but is lovingly placed on the shelf

locked up for no one but essence of infactuation

4.

Collide on the skin with every note

Abend the twists and breaks

Experience mystical moxie exchanged on a whim

to be taken to an assent by a lover

who rewards with acumen so earnestly

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