New Moon Jan 2018

  1. Last year I was really good at doing intentions for the new moons and following along. I always got what I asked for but didn’t usually do what I intended. I petered off toward the end of the year and didn’t even do a New Years intention. I really fell off. But today I was reminded of a simple practice of writing 10 things you intend for the new moon cycle.

1. Smoke less weed. I originally had wanted to do cold turkey and stop today. I went all day and tried to take magnesium to help calm me naturally and it acted the opposite. It made me more anxious, so I smoked weed. Heavy smoker who is a tad on a manic side with no meds probably shouldn’t stop cold turkey.

2. Eat 5 servings of fruit a week. I’m looking forward to this one! I want to exceed it honestly.

3. Eat more protein shakes! I have so many allergies now that it’s hard to know what to eat, so smoothies is a good plan.

4. Drink 64 ounces of water a day! Duh.

5. Meditate everyday

6. Make a daily gratitude list. I feel like this mixed with the meditation will get me back to a place of positivity.

7. Make peace with the hate in my heart. This one is gonna be big. I have lots of hate and I dislike it! I want to find peace. Hoping the gratitude helps!

8. Talk to your family more. Make it a daily text or chat to keep in better touch.

9. Go to the beach everyday. I am lucky enough to live next to the ocean. I need to go there every single day even if for a minute! Great place to do my gratitude list!

10. Be open to new experiences! I feel stuck in my ways lately and want to be free! So here is to saying yes more than no!

What’s on your list?

loyality

This song keeps playing in my head for the past few days. i dont know why but it is. songs always play in my head. its like there is a radio station only i can hear going on in there. its clear, its in their voices…literally like the radio is on. i used to think it was awesome and then it got to become too much. it plays all the time. “tell me who your loyal to” keeps playing the past few days. That line over and over. I think my brain is actually asking me. Melissa, Who are you loyal to? “Everyone”! I always think its everyone, but recently, it cant. I need to only really be loyal to me. I have never done that before. I dont listen to my decree. I bend my rules for everyone. I think that is why i get so mad at others because they dont bend theirs for me, but i do for them. its not right. my rules should never be bent, unless certain circumstances say so.

I am going back to work today after 6 weeks off. I get so much anxiety about it, but then realized so does everyone. its overwhelming. 20 plus people in the same room working together. loud music, stories, life. i also start therapy today with a new therapist. im hoping this one will be awesome and help me during this new stage im in. i stopped my meds and feel alive again, but i also feel very out of control. ray and i are over and its good, but also lonely. i want to write in here everyday and find a new community. i need new insights and support.

its time for me to be my own best friend. my own parent. my own employer. my own doctor. my own therapist. my own everything. its all on me.

gratitude can save me. discipline can save me. healthy diet can save me. meditation can save me. not one human can save me, but me.

Beasts, Savages…Survivors.

I just left the movie theater, and feel very odd. I decided to go see Beasts of Southern Wild. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was getting myself into. I just knew that when I saw the trailer a few times a while back it made me cry, both times. So I thought on this gloomy day, why not go to a crier? Ah nothing better than those damn movies that make you cry re: The Notebook.

All that being said, I did not cry. I was horrified instead. There were indeed some sad parts to the film, very very deep heart touching moments, but mostly it was horrific. The film was about a group of adults and a few children who choose to live in “the bathtub” after Katrina. They lived in shacks, shambles and booze. These people were not role models to the younger generation by any means. They were rowdy, loud, brash, drunk, abusive and most of all fucked up. While I was watching all this, I also found a beauty in them. They were a community who stuck together. They may have been drunks but they always looked out for each other, and when a storm came and destroyed their homes, they rebuilt, with what they had. These people were warriors, troopers, strong. These lessons that the children were taught were priceless. How to fish, how to build, how to survive.

All these thoughts got me going, and really thinking about society today. What would half of America do if Katrina happened to them? People wouldn’t even know what to think or do. A small percent of the whole population is super rich, and so used to people taking care of them. Or being able to go buy anything they want. We are so wasteful and spoiled as a society. It makes me ill. I make me ill. I was watching this and in the beginning kind of judging them. “ugh how gross, ewe, oh my god that house” were thoughts running through my mind. Luckily the thoughts that followed were “wow what an amazing young girl, I am so lucky, I am blessed to have a home and good food to eat”. I know a lot of my blogs are about thankfulness and gratitude, but I just need to share these thoughts. Spread the love per se.

I thank you for even reading this, and I hope that somehow, someway they help you find your gratitude as well.

Raw Emotion…

It’s 12:30 on a Friday. The first day of June is here. I decided to go to the Grove and do a little shopping, come home pay rent and eat some food from my full fridge. I got haggled into buying 60 dollars worth of a dead sea nail kits and have been kinda bummed ever since. I decided to do some research online and it turns out I got extremely ripped off. Warning do NOT buy Seacret nail care collection.

Moving on; so I was sitting here reading Facebook and came across a link to “40 of the most powerful photographs ever taken” I clicked the link and BAM! Got hit in the face with emotion I can not control. These pictures show everything from love, war, protest, bravery, honesty, and most of all raw emotion. 

As I was clicking through these pictures I was overwhelmed with gratitude. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be living in a wonderful house in Los Angeles and I get to eat organic, local foods and never ever have had to deal with a disaster. I am so very lucky. People have had to go through some unimaginable things in their lives, and I am worried about spending 60 dollars on nail care. Talk about first world problems. 

I wanted to write this blog to share this gratitude with you and hope to pass it along. We take our everyday lives and people in them for granted, and we shouldn’t. We are blessed everyday to have homes, food, clothes, cars, and even things we never think of like electricity, CLEAN running water. 

Please take a minute or two to reflect on how good you got it. Give thanks to the universe for providing you with everything you need. Check out these pictures if my words alone don’t inspire you. 

Pictures

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