New Moon Jan 2018

  1. Last year I was really good at doing intentions for the new moons and following along. I always got what I asked for but didn’t usually do what I intended. I petered off toward the end of the year and didn’t even do a New Years intention. I really fell off. But today I was reminded of a simple practice of writing 10 things you intend for the new moon cycle.

1. Smoke less weed. I originally had wanted to do cold turkey and stop today. I went all day and tried to take magnesium to help calm me naturally and it acted the opposite. It made me more anxious, so I smoked weed. Heavy smoker who is a tad on a manic side with no meds probably shouldn’t stop cold turkey.

2. Eat 5 servings of fruit a week. I’m looking forward to this one! I want to exceed it honestly.

3. Eat more protein shakes! I have so many allergies now that it’s hard to know what to eat, so smoothies is a good plan.

4. Drink 64 ounces of water a day! Duh.

5. Meditate everyday

6. Make a daily gratitude list. I feel like this mixed with the meditation will get me back to a place of positivity.

7. Make peace with the hate in my heart. This one is gonna be big. I have lots of hate and I dislike it! I want to find peace. Hoping the gratitude helps!

8. Talk to your family more. Make it a daily text or chat to keep in better touch.

9. Go to the beach everyday. I am lucky enough to live next to the ocean. I need to go there every single day even if for a minute! Great place to do my gratitude list!

10. Be open to new experiences! I feel stuck in my ways lately and want to be free! So here is to saying yes more than no!

What’s on your list?

Just a little patience…

I have been awoken lately to a concept most of us probably never even think about. Patience.

Normally I would say that I am a patient person, who listens and tries to understand situations. I would say that I am calm and know how to act under pressure, or stress. But the truth is, I am not. I am very impatient. I get annoyed driving, having to listen to other peoples music, having to do  anything that I don’t want to do really. Waiting in lines, being on hold, waiting for 10 to watch True Blood. I mean I am the most impatient person I know. I was lucky enough to have my friend Nate help me see this from a totally different view. One day while working he challenged me to not switch the music all day long. I laughed at this theory and though he was just being a dick. He and I chatted back and fourth about this and the next day at work I decided to give it a try. I went most of the day not even noticing the music. I was content just doing my work and not concerning myself with the music. The shitty part is that I happened to be walking by the iPod and heard the music and just pushed next. Automatically I was defeated. Nate just looked at me with that “I told you so” type of look. This ultimately bothered me to a level I can’t explain. The days that followed that incident at work I kept thinking about it. I couldn’t grasp what had really happened. On the surface it was silly, just a little bet, but it was way deeper. This was a part of me that I had been ignoring.

I had always thought that you were supposed to always be happy. You were meant to compromise together when in a relationship, or friendship or even with your family. But ultimately everyone wants everyone to be happy, and we are in control of our own happiness, right? So why not do everything we can to be happy. Express our thoughts, feelings and emotions until we feel happy. I thought to myself yes, I get it. I didn’t get it yet, I was getting closer but still wasn’t deep enough. It didn’t actually hit me until I was at a Phish concert last week. I was stuck in the middle of 30,000 people and had to be patient through many many things. People pushing, the overwhelming heat, cigarette smoke blowing at me and I did. I got through it. I breathed deep and found my center. I got through it.

More recently in meditation I have been feeling itches, or aches and have made myself get through. Take some deep breathes and it will pass, and it does. This is true to every aspect of life, and I finally get it. Patience is a virtue couldn’t be more of a true statement. I feel so lucky to finally see the light, and now I can start changing myself and my behavior. I feel like in some way this is getting me ready for motherhood. I need patience with a child, and a husband. I need to be able to sit through things I may not want to, conversations that are hard. Feeling and anguish that come with being an adult, feelings Ive kept myself away from. I have always questioned what it means to be an adult. Is it age? Is it status? Is it when you buy a house, or a have a kid? No its when you gain patience and slow down to deal with life and all of its situations with a clear mind. When you don’t over react, or even react at all. Its when you are present enough to be in a situation as the best you, you can be.

I am so happy to be finding Melissa more and more everyday. I can’t wait to see what else I’ve been hiding behind.

Hai-clue

Too much money makes
Not enough purpose in life
To see the small things

Over consumption leads
to poisoning the light in
Everyone but you

When all you have to do
Is open your eyes to see
It was there forever

Pieces of wisdom…

“When we are kinder and gentler to ourselves, we can be kinder and gentler to everyone else” -Brene Brown

I just watched a video my friend Mandy posted on Facebook. I wasn’t sure what it was about but I know Mandy is a very in tune, educated, wise woman, so I decided to check it out. At first it just seemed like some sort of retreat speech that was posted online. A woman in her 40s talking about research she found out. This type of stuff usually bores me to death. But I made myself keep watching to see what I could learn about. 

As I kept watching I realized she was speaking right to me. Stuff that I have been thinking about lately and issues that we all have. Topics of vulnerabiltiy, connection, fear, blame, love.  I don’t know much about Brene Brown, but she told me and the audience that she researches these types of topics. She digs deep into human emotion and connection and trys to figure it out. Her speech I watched showed how you can’t really figure it out, except within yourself. She realized that people aren’t themselves and let fears about their shortcomings run their lives. This is what spoke to me loud and clear. 

For years I have always questioned myself and second guessed everything I have done and do. Is this right? Is this going to lead me to the wrong people or places? Did I read that right? I don’t want to say that out loud in case its wrong. This has been my life. Recently as I watched the sun fall under the ocean in Northern California I realized its not about any of that shit anymore. Its about just saying and doing something, and if you’re wrong, you’re wrong. Then you learn and don’t do it again. But I have let the fear of being wrong stop me from so much. I mean even this blog sometimes as I am writing I feel like “is this even good enough for anyone to read?” Then I see a few likes on my page and I feel a sense of relief. But why should that be what makes my thoughts validated? Why should the judgements from strangers or even friends control what I produce and share? The answer is I shouldn’t. I am good enough. I am worthy of anything I try to do, or who I try to love. If I do not get back what I put out, so what? Who cares? Its life. Life is continuously going to disappoint us if we let it. 

So don’t let it. 

 

Here is a link to the video I was discussing. Id love to hear your thoughts on this topic, or even the video. Id love some comments on here. I understand if not, but it would be cool to open the flood gates and talk about real shit with people. 

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