New Moon Jan 2018

  1. Last year I was really good at doing intentions for the new moons and following along. I always got what I asked for but didn’t usually do what I intended. I petered off toward the end of the year and didn’t even do a New Years intention. I really fell off. But today I was reminded of a simple practice of writing 10 things you intend for the new moon cycle.

1. Smoke less weed. I originally had wanted to do cold turkey and stop today. I went all day and tried to take magnesium to help calm me naturally and it acted the opposite. It made me more anxious, so I smoked weed. Heavy smoker who is a tad on a manic side with no meds probably shouldn’t stop cold turkey.

2. Eat 5 servings of fruit a week. I’m looking forward to this one! I want to exceed it honestly.

3. Eat more protein shakes! I have so many allergies now that it’s hard to know what to eat, so smoothies is a good plan.

4. Drink 64 ounces of water a day! Duh.

5. Meditate everyday

6. Make a daily gratitude list. I feel like this mixed with the meditation will get me back to a place of positivity.

7. Make peace with the hate in my heart. This one is gonna be big. I have lots of hate and I dislike it! I want to find peace. Hoping the gratitude helps!

8. Talk to your family more. Make it a daily text or chat to keep in better touch.

9. Go to the beach everyday. I am lucky enough to live next to the ocean. I need to go there every single day even if for a minute! Great place to do my gratitude list!

10. Be open to new experiences! I feel stuck in my ways lately and want to be free! So here is to saying yes more than no!

What’s on your list?

I have been thinking a lot lately about purpose, more specifically my life’s purpose. It came to me in a meditation the other day that its time to fill the gap in my energy which is my purpose in life. I of course asked what is it? It was then told to me to be patient and it will come if I keep doing the work. The problem is how am I to know what it means to be doing the work? I assume it means keep doing the things I am doing, but what if its not enough? What if I am meant to be doing something more and I don’t know? I feel a bit dazed and lost when it comes to this subject. I’ve spent days recently researching life’s purpose. Watching TED talks, googling it, reading blogs. Still none of it resinates in me deeply enough to affect me.

Why am I asking you? Because maybe you have help for me. Maybe something you will say will help me get a better look at myself and my dreams. I think of dreams and what are dreams and what are mine? I would say being a homemaker and having a wonderful garden doing yoga and cooking. That is a dream of mine. I have no doubt I will have that dream one day, but its not a purpose. Thats just life. I need to do something fulfilling with myself that makes the world a little bit better. I need to help people, and connect and connect others to themselves. Hm maybe I just found. Connecting others to themselves. So how do I do that? I could be a yoga teacher and help connect them to their body. I could become a therapist and connect them to their past and help them let go. I could become a life coach and help them connect to the present. But for some reason none of these things sound right to me, and I wish I knew why. Its almost like I need to create a program from thin air, from my mind to help others. The problem is getting anyone to pay me for it. With no education on the subject besides my own personal school of hard knocks.

How do I spread my love and positivity with the world?

This is my question. Help me please.

Life is Fleeting..

Yesterday I saw a butterfly and was reminded of a sentence someone once said “butterflies are there to remind you that life is fleeting” The idea that the butterfly goes through so many transformations from caterpillar to cocoon then is only alive for a short amount of time is mind blowing. It also reminds me of our lives as humans. We go through so many changes and a good amount of different transformations, that we are like the butterflies. The difference is that we don’t always die right away and they do. But we could. Life is precious and short and its time to remember that fact and remember how lucky we are. I know I know this isn’t a new concept by any means, but it has really been sitting with me lately. 

I go through phases of ups and downs and realizations and reminders, then life happens and I easily forget how far up I’ve been in happiness, and get swallowed by stress and daily activities. I forget to take the time to meditate and be with myself and sort things out. I spiral down a zone until one day I wake up and remember and everything feels great again. Right now I am in a phase of re-finding my balance and its hard this time to find my way back. This upsets me so much. My mind knows all of these things, but my body isn’t following along. My mind feels clear and happy, but everything else doesn’t.

Why am I writing this for the world to read? Why am I sharing my problems on my blog? Well to remind myself and you too that things will be okay again. That we need to just take the time to do our things that make us happy day by day and soon enough we will be whole again. Life is filled with ebbs and flows and shit happens, but we always can go back to our happy place. 

Next time you see a butterfly, let them remind you of this too. Life is easy as long as you know how to ride the waves…

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Opening my 3rd Chakra

When I moved into my new apartment in Hollywood I met my new neighbors H & K. They were two girls, one H who is around the same age as me, the other the age of my roommate. I was delighted by the fact that I had cool girls living next door and hoping that one day we would all get to hang out and I would have a new friend in LA.

After talking with H for a while, I learned she was a practicing Buddhist. She told me of how her “church” gets together and chants. Automatically I felt excited about that. I always had the feeling that I should be chanting, but never really knew how to start. I have started chatting OM but I knew there was something more. So yesterday I was chatting with H and she told me she was joining her other friend to chant today, and I was invited if I wanted. I accepted the offer and got excited about my new awakening to be had.

This morning I woke up peppy and ready to go chant with my new friends. We walked into this woman’s house in Beachwood Canyon and chatted a bit about their religion. I never really thought of mediation or chanting as religious, even though it is. I was raised Catholic and that was always too religious for me, so I guess Ive trained myself to think this is different; its not.

This religion is religious. They read from a bible, they have priests, they have a leader (they call president) and they pray to pictures. Its very interesting to me on how people can argue and have so much hate over religion, when its all the same shit. But thats for a different day…

So I got this book to read out of called The Lotus Sutra. It had a bunch of words and symbols Ive never seen before. We chanted together for 5 minutes, and I tried to sing along, but couldn’t keep up with their brisk and practiced pace. So I decided to listen and be present and just meditate with them. They stopped after about 5 minutes, and went on to read from the book. Afterwards they went back and started chanting again. This time I could follow along and actually felt the benefits immediately. I could feel the vibration of my voice as well as theirs. It was as if we all became one together. Our tones matched as well as using singing bowls. I loved how much I felt connected at that moment. I even kept going longer than the two girls, and was asked to stop. I was lost in the music and energy flow.

I went back home and decided to read a yoga magazine and keep myself in that vibration, but grew very tired all of a sudden. I couldn’t stay awake and fell back asleep for 2 hours and could barely pull myself together to wake up. It was as if I was under a spell or something. I finally snapped out of it, and felt like myself again.

Overall I do feel the benefits of chanting through out today and really enjoy this feeling. I was invited to go back on Friday when there is a larger group and chant for 2 hours. I am going to go check it out, and will report back to you, my reader.

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