New Moon Jan 2018

  1. Last year I was really good at doing intentions for the new moons and following along. I always got what I asked for but didn’t usually do what I intended. I petered off toward the end of the year and didn’t even do a New Years intention. I really fell off. But today I was reminded of a simple practice of writing 10 things you intend for the new moon cycle.

1. Smoke less weed. I originally had wanted to do cold turkey and stop today. I went all day and tried to take magnesium to help calm me naturally and it acted the opposite. It made me more anxious, so I smoked weed. Heavy smoker who is a tad on a manic side with no meds probably shouldn’t stop cold turkey.

2. Eat 5 servings of fruit a week. I’m looking forward to this one! I want to exceed it honestly.

3. Eat more protein shakes! I have so many allergies now that it’s hard to know what to eat, so smoothies is a good plan.

4. Drink 64 ounces of water a day! Duh.

5. Meditate everyday

6. Make a daily gratitude list. I feel like this mixed with the meditation will get me back to a place of positivity.

7. Make peace with the hate in my heart. This one is gonna be big. I have lots of hate and I dislike it! I want to find peace. Hoping the gratitude helps!

8. Talk to your family more. Make it a daily text or chat to keep in better touch.

9. Go to the beach everyday. I am lucky enough to live next to the ocean. I need to go there every single day even if for a minute! Great place to do my gratitude list!

10. Be open to new experiences! I feel stuck in my ways lately and want to be free! So here is to saying yes more than no!

What’s on your list?

From Philly to Cali, Cali to Philly...

Tonight I was driving through Hollywood and my iPhone was cruising through shuffle. I chilled through a few old songs; Neil Young’s ‘Harvest’, The Faint’s ‘Agenda Suicide’ and then outta nowhere Freeway’s ‘All My Life’ came on. I got excited, turned my stereo all the way up and drove through Hollywood rapping Freeway. I felt like I was 23 again driving around Philly with my girlfriends smoking blunts and just loving life.

This got me thinking about growing up and how odd it really is. I am 33 years old, ten years have passed since I was that girl in Philly, but somehow I still feel like her at times. I now really cherish those moments when the young version of myself pops her head out and has fun for a few minutes, or even an evening. When you get older things change. When you used to be able to go out at 11 and dance your ass off, drink an overwhelming amount of alcohol,  smoke blunts, then go to work the next day. I could never image doing so, nor would I want to, but that girl is there, somewhere.

What I’m getting at is that no matter how much we change, we still are us. Those little quirks still exist and sometimes we just need to let them out, just be a kid again. Kids just live presently. They just deal with life as it comes to them. There is no thinking about bills, or jobs, or family, its about now. The most I ever cared about was; where we all my friends were meeting and what time. Anything else was just a bonus.

I appreciate the wisdom and many valuable lessons I’ve learned over the years, but fuck it. Sometimes you just gotta turn the radio up and rap like a white girl.

Pieces of wisdom…

“When we are kinder and gentler to ourselves, we can be kinder and gentler to everyone else” -Brene Brown

I just watched a video my friend Mandy posted on Facebook. I wasn’t sure what it was about but I know Mandy is a very in tune, educated, wise woman, so I decided to check it out. At first it just seemed like some sort of retreat speech that was posted online. A woman in her 40s talking about research she found out. This type of stuff usually bores me to death. But I made myself keep watching to see what I could learn about. 

As I kept watching I realized she was speaking right to me. Stuff that I have been thinking about lately and issues that we all have. Topics of vulnerabiltiy, connection, fear, blame, love.  I don’t know much about Brene Brown, but she told me and the audience that she researches these types of topics. She digs deep into human emotion and connection and trys to figure it out. Her speech I watched showed how you can’t really figure it out, except within yourself. She realized that people aren’t themselves and let fears about their shortcomings run their lives. This is what spoke to me loud and clear. 

For years I have always questioned myself and second guessed everything I have done and do. Is this right? Is this going to lead me to the wrong people or places? Did I read that right? I don’t want to say that out loud in case its wrong. This has been my life. Recently as I watched the sun fall under the ocean in Northern California I realized its not about any of that shit anymore. Its about just saying and doing something, and if you’re wrong, you’re wrong. Then you learn and don’t do it again. But I have let the fear of being wrong stop me from so much. I mean even this blog sometimes as I am writing I feel like “is this even good enough for anyone to read?” Then I see a few likes on my page and I feel a sense of relief. But why should that be what makes my thoughts validated? Why should the judgements from strangers or even friends control what I produce and share? The answer is I shouldn’t. I am good enough. I am worthy of anything I try to do, or who I try to love. If I do not get back what I put out, so what? Who cares? Its life. Life is continuously going to disappoint us if we let it. 

So don’t let it. 

 

Here is a link to the video I was discussing. Id love to hear your thoughts on this topic, or even the video. Id love some comments on here. I understand if not, but it would be cool to open the flood gates and talk about real shit with people. 

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