I do not exist

I feel this way today. It’s the end of their band, and feels like the end of our friendship. Our friendship has been over for a very long time, but I for some reason have not accepted it until today. They are finally over, so so are we. They are the first family I created outside of my own family. I never really felt like part of it, but always knew I was. I was part of the brotherhood/sisterhood. I got the calls from El. I went to the parties, I was there when bands started. I was part of it. I don’t feel part of it anymore due to some bullshit. He and I did that together. It was both of us, but I am to blame. It’s not on me. I wasn’t the one who did the worst part, but I am shamed and looked at as if I was. I haven’t accepted the reality that they dont like me. They are not my family. They are not my friends. They are all somebody that I used to know. I must accept this change of perspective and truth. It is true. They don’t sit around thinking about me like I do them. They don’t miss me. They don’t give a fuck. they were in my area, and maybe considered me for a moment, but still made the choice to not connect, to not move forward to not retain our friendship.

Time to move on. You’re all moving on in your lives, and so shall I.

Peace be with you.